I keep having this dream that I am getting ready for a soccer game in college and can't find anything I need. It is game time and somehow, everyone is already out playing in the game, and I am searching for my shinguards, my jersey, the right color socks and I can't find anything. Eventually I find some socks, but I know that they are not the right socks, they have stripes and my team does not wear striped socks. Then I eventually find a jersey, but it is the away jersey, and we are playing at home. I run around asking a few friends if they have some extra shin-guards or if I can borrow their jersey. The boys soccer team always played either right before us or right after us, so I keep thinking... if I can just find a friend, then I can borrow their jersey, socks, and shin-guards and get out there in the game. What am I doing in this locker room still getting ready when everyone else is already out there playing? There is this sense of urgency, which might sound funny, but if you are the Captain of the team, you definitely don't want to show up late to a game, without your uniform, and apparently totally unprepared. As I was thinking about this dream today, I realized that that is how I feel in some regards about my life right now. And I had this thought that I should write about the dream, because it seemed like God was trying to tell me something. Soccer is something that I LOVE. Very few things in my life do I say adamantly, that is for me. I can go back and forth on a lot of things, but I have always loved soccer. I don't play anymore, but I would if I could find somewhere to play and someone to babysit Joel. As I think back on the dream, I notice a few things..... I never see the faces or really zone in on the uniforms of the players that are already out there playing. I just know that I am not ready, and I feel that I should be. My coach has not come in to yell at me and tell me to hurry up. I am just frantically trying to get ready. Later on in the dream, I start finding the right pieces of equipment, slowly, one at a time. First, I finally find the right socks. White socks without stripes. Then, I somehow, come upon a jersey, the right one. Instead of thinking, ok, I am almost ready, I am so focused on the fact that I do not have any shinguards and I cannot possibly play a college soccer game without shinguards, you can't even play in soccer game without shin guards if you are 8 years old. Then I notice that I either don't have shoes or I can't seem to get them on quick enough. There is just this overwhelming pressure that if I don't hurry up, I am going to miss the game. Sometime later on that morning, I was struck by the fact that, in the terms of this dream, God had everything that I needed waiting for me, it just wasn't where I thought it would be or wasn't where I would normally put it. I played soccer for years, and never once showed up for a game without my uniform. In the dream, I just had to wait to find the right equipment and then I would be ready to play. If you hate soccer then stick with me.....
Do you ever feel like this in life? That you are missing the game. That you are ten steps behind everyone else. That you had your life all planned out and then someone came along, threw your things in the air and sent them flying in different directions. As you search frantically to find them you find yourself in a different position, one you thought you would never be in. You always have things organized and ready to go, people are counting on you, or rather, you were counting on yourself. My view of this dream has led me to really think about how I see my life and my role in it. Do I think that I am in charge? Often, I would really like to be. I know how I like things, organized, planned out. Everything organized in my soccer bag and ready to go. Not strewn all over the locker room or coming off of someone else's back. BUT, I AM NOT IN CHARGE OF MY LIFE. I am in charge of some parts of it, but ultimately God is in charge, and it is my job to be obedient to Him. Even if I am thinking, come on let's get things organized and go. Where are the socks, where is the home jersey? He says, the socks are here and while you get them you can learn that perseverance pays off, it will help prepare you for the game. The jersey, you found after looking for a really long time, it will help you learn patience. In the middle of all of that, you realized that you needed to change one more thing, go ahead, don't hurry, prepare well. You will be glad you did. When you think you are ready, you will remember that you don't have your shoes on, and have to borrow some, remember your friends and be thankful for the help and encouragement they are to you. As they give of themselves they help prepare you for the game, and you grow as you accept help and realize you can't do it on your own. Then when you step out on the field you will realize that you are more ready than you ever would have been had you packed your bag, showed up early, and done everything yourself without so much as a bump in the road. You will lead better as you understand the struggles of others, you will play harder being content that you are "Finally" in your own mind, IN THE GAME! You will leave your heart on the field and lean on those who play alongside of you, those running and moving the ball towards the same goal as you.
I have a strong sense that this unexpected period of rest in my life and the life of my family will be used for God's purposes. While in my flesh, I have wondered at the "slowness" of things coming together, even now, I see how it has been good. Thank you LORD that you are strong enough to lead someone as stubborn as me. Thank you that YOUR plans are the ones that prevail!
